Abortion is
Healthcare
Your health is our highest priority—along with promoting birth control and abortion! We believe your body is your own, and so is the tiny body growing inside you—which is why you should be free to destroy it without judgement or legal ramification.
*This is not a picture of an actual abortion doctor. This is a stock photo. Most abortionists are old men who don’t photograph well. It’s probably the dead eyes. For whatever reason, the most competent and attractive physicians seem reluctant to dismember tiny humans for a living.
A Celebration of Planned Parenthood!
Planned Abortion has no affiliation with Planned Parenthood. Because of that, we can celebrate their amazing work openly and honestly. Currently, Planned Parenthood terminates close to 400,000 unwanted babies each year. Pretty impressive, right?! And most of them are poor or minority babies that would only be a drain on society. That’s why government agencies give Planned Parenthood almost $700 million annually and why the private sector gives them a billion more. They know how important it is to kill these tiny embryos and fetuses before they consume valuable resources. In 2023, Planned Parenthood made more than two billion dollars, which is extraordinary for a non-profit! Unfortunately, some bigoted and backwards Americans don't grasp how crucial it is for black and brown mothers to eliminate their offspring. Someday, Planned Parenthood will be properly celebrated for exterminating millions and millions of the unfit. Until then, we’ll do it for them!
Find an Abortion Clinic
Planned Parenthood maintains a nationwide network of government-subsidized killing centers where they legally exterminate the smallest and most helpless members of the human community. It’s okay, though, because they’re mostly poor minority babies that nobody wants. Plus it’s good for the environment.
Ask us anything. Seriously.
In real time, our trained sex bot, Luci, can answer all of your most intimate questions. And you can totally trust him/her/them/it, because this android sex expert loves birth control and abortion just as much as we do!
STDs
Sexually transmitted infections are passed during sexual contact. The best way to get STDs is to have sex with lots of different partners. To increase your chances even more, have sexual contact with gay men.
Birth control
Birth control lets you have sex without getting pregnant quite so often. There are lots of different methods. Planned Parenthood will sell you any or all of them. Except for abstinence, because it doesn’t work. Also it’s free, so what’s the point?
Abortion
Abortion is a terribly practical way to end the life of your baby after your birth control fails. It can be kind of expensive, but it’s way cheaper than raising a kid. Plus, your state or employer might even pay for it!
Emergency Contraception
(Morning-After Pill)
Emergency contraception safely and effectively prevents pregnancy up to five days after you have sex. How? By redefining the term “conception.” Clever, right? Technically, it’s an abortifacient. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Get birth control pills delivered to your door.
Birth control is a great way for abortion clinics to make money while conditioning clients to have sex with people they don’t want to have a baby with. And now technology allows them to sell birth control without the inconvenience of having to see their clients in person—until they upsell them a surgical abortion. Lower overhead and higher profits allow Planned Parenthood executives to make more money with less effort—which is something we can all get behind!
